Non-parents are a frequently misunderstood group in general. Who really understands the ambivalent, undecided folks or those who are facing circumstances that prevent parenthood?
You may be hearing:
Just relax, you’ll figure it out!
Why are you so relaxed about this? Time is running out!
Focus on your career to build a foundation for your life.
If you focus too much on your career you’ll miss out on finding the right person ‘in time' to have kids.
I just always knew I wanted to be a parent!
I’ve always known I didn’t want to be a parent!
You may be feeling:
Confused, alone, worried, unseen, isolated, undervalued, misunderstood, counter-cultural, lost, ashamed, rebellious, powerful, independent, content, connected, unique… all at the same time.
This can be a place that feels very conflicted with lots of judgement from society. I’d like to let you know that you are on your own path and there is not one simple answer for what comes next. It can help to find some community with others who get you or who have been in your shoes.
(A reflective note to therapists reading this: How were you trained to sit with ambivalence and disenfranchisement with your clients? Do you have an urge to help them decide quickly compared to other issues clients bring to session?)
About the author: Katie Maynard is a psychotherapist working with people on the brink of large decisions and transformative experiences, with a special focus on those reckoning with having kids or remaining childfree. Her trauma-informed training and warm presence create an atmosphere of acceptance while she examines and co-creates new life narratives with clients.
